BIG NEWS!

A sensational new invention alleviates the loneliness of military wives or long haul truckers' wives who miss their husbands!

The Random-Channel TV

Never miss your man again! With this device in your home it will seem like he's right there with you!
Banish the heartache of missing your man with this fantastic, and economical product!
( It's cheaper than a psychiatrist.)
The Random Channel TV changes channels at random, with no remote control to get lost or misplaced! The Random Channel TV comes pre-programmed with several channel-surfing patterns, typical of households that harbor a husband-father-type male member.

Pre-Installed Programs

Program 1: A special sensor determines when the woman watching becomes keenly interested in what is showing on the screen, and immediately changes the channel to a car chase, football game, gunfight, wrestling, Nascar event, or a hockey game.
This program is also known as "the one that makes you want to wrestle the remote away from him and whack him upside his head with it"

Program 2: At the onset of a commercial, the channel immediately changes, in rapid succession, to every other commercial currently showing, one after the other for the next several minutes, getting back to the original channel just after the actor delivers the punch line of the joke that started before the first commercial, or just after the face of the guy who "done it" is shown and he's now got his back turned to the camera.
This is also known as "The one that makes you want to go home to Mother, until you remember your Dad is still living there and he does the exact same thing with the remote".

Program 3: Endlessly cycles between The Weather Channel, The Fishing Channel, The Hunting Channel and CNN, with occasional glimpses at The Western Channel and The History Channel to see if there's something bloody on.
Every female we talked to called this "Pass the Pepto bismol!"

User-programming Features

The Random Channel TV comes with two user-programmable features.

1: "Family" program: Lockout of programming unsuitable for young minds. Of course, if your youngster can set the clock on the VCR, he will beat this system and watch whatever he wants to.
This feature is only included to pacify those who think children are stupid.

2: The MOM channel option: Working mothers love this one. It's a useful new wrinkle on "TV as babysitter".
It consists of: The inclusion of a special message channel that appears at irregular intervals with reminders from Mom like;
"Do your homework, NOW!" or "Take out the garbage!" and "Clean your room!"

Future models will include more user options, as we will solicit YOUR input about what YOU, our users, would like see offered.

Home Security, at a fraction of the cost of a security service!!

A nationally renowned research firm is currently studying the possibility that The Random-Channel TV might be a useful burglar deterrant. With The Random Channel TV playing, your home will seem to have a resident male.
Burglars like easy pickings. If your home appears to have a strong male presence when it is "cased" the burglar just might look elsewhere.

Tip1: Leave The Random-Channel TV playing at all times.
Because You never know when a burglar might be "casing" your house.

Tip 2: Enhance the illusion that there is a male in residence. Drink a few beers, crush the cans (with your feet so you don't break a nail) and arrange them on the coffee table with a crumpled chip bag and a plate with sandwich crumbs on it. Scatter parts of a newspaper randomly on the floor near your couch, with a pair of dirty socks on top of it. (Borrow them from your brother if you have to) Place a pair of worn work boots somewhere nearby. (You can pick them up at the Goodwill cheap.) When you return home after an absence, be sure to shout, "Don't shoot Earl, it's Me." when you put your key in the door.

Where to buy the Random Channel TV

The Random Channel TV is not available in stores.
It's not available anywhere, except in my imagination.
Maybe someday
Gertie

Jasper & Gertie's front page

Gertie isn't the only goofy inventor. If you click here, you'll see what we mean.
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